when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
