This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
