Are we in a gay sports bar?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
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I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
be right there i have to get my cape
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