she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
