Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize