I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
