then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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