I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
