Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
