fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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