I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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