just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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