i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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