i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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