whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
