do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
