see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
