I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
