Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
