I feel like I'm in dance class right now
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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