There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
