In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
