The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
