Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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