had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
