You can't special order awesome
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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