is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
