Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
