Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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