My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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