"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
