He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
