So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
