Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
