A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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