69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
