something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
