I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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