my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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