Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
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He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
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Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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