My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize