someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I made him laugh his dick is mine
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
