he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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