Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
