you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
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