do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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