I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just had sex bonerless
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
