3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
