I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
