someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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