I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
