wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
