So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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