just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
