Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
