Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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