You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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