Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
