god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
