And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
