She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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