i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
