Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
