Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
