you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
