If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
