I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
