Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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