She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
