Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
