So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
