Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Oh god it's open bar.
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