I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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