Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
