It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
