Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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