He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
