What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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